There was a time when British TV was seen as the best in the world.
I haven’t checked with the rest of the world recently, but for the sanity of the planet I sincerely hope this is not still the case!
British TV these days really is complete tosh!
The entire schedule is either made up of programs inspired by celebrity culture (if you can really call a fixation on people famous for not much as culture), or cash machine TV which is basically premium rate phone lines wrapped up in the cheapest produced television you could possibly imagine!
Okay, maybe I exaggerate a little, but it’s not far off! There are some good dramas, mainly American, such as NCIS or CSI, but even CSI gets a premium rate question on the end which can be answered by anyone who was even vaguely watching. Family Guy and The Simpsons have yet to be infected, but I’m sure it can’t be far off.
Just looking at the TV guide for right now provides Celebrity Masterchef – Watch famous people cook things! No premium lines, but *yawn* and Big Brother Live – Watch the biggest freaks the producers locked up in a house for several week. Then vote them out on a premium rate telephone lines. How about once you’ve found these freaks just leave them in there, or at least get them booked into some kind of therapy! Here’s the best bit, it’s currently 4am, can you guess what’s going on in Big Brother *live*? Yup, you got it, Night vision cameras of people sleeping! Highlight was been snoring! It’s not as if anyone has ever got up to anything rude on UK Big Brother, and if they did I’m sure the cameras would cut to a view of the empty garden with the sound dubbed over with birds tweeting. Only our European cousins get to see rude bits. Then again, given the genes currently locked in the house, maybe it would be better if they didn’t breed. Ever!
Even programs which on the surface look innocent enough have premium rate questions on the end that even a five year old can answer. The Gadget show for instance, I like gadgets, I can even forgive that one of the presenters is so Apple obsessed he’s probably being kept alive by machine as Steve Jobs now has his liver! What I cannot forgive is the competition question at the end. Sure it’s a huge pile of stuff up for grabs, but you can’t tell me that the program makes a loss by the time the phone line closes. I can’t find an online list of the questions, which is a pity as I’d love to quote them, but I can give you an example of the kind of thing you’d get (for all I know they have used this one!).
The iPod is made by
- Orange
- Apple
- Banana
This would be on a program which had spent 30% of the time talking about and showing an iPod, so even the hard of thinking would be in with a chance!
Fifth Gear is another. Mind buggeringly simple questions, which usually win you a second hand car. Okay, the car is usually a classic, 1980’s Porsche 911 for example, but not something which is really going to stretch the budget too much, and not something which is not going to be covered by the income from the premium rate telephone line. Quite often the question would be related to the prize, and the answer given in the paragraph preceding the question! A typical question based on my example prize car would be “Who makes the 911?”.
Now my question is… In the UK lotteries are licensed. Currently there is only allowed to be one lottery run in the country, and that is by a company called Camelot. They run the national lottery, the scratch cards etc etc, make a huge amount of cash for themselves from it, and give some of it to good causes (picked by a panel who have an idea of good causes which is rather skewed from that of the general population). Anyway, nobody else is allowed to run a lottery, a game of chance. Only games of skill are allowed, which is where the 3 questions on these premium rate lines come in. You have to provide the correct answer to get put into the winners pot, and then if you are very very lucky, picked as the winner by random.
Does nobody check the stats on these quizzes? There is no skill involved! The questions are so simple even the product of our current education system can get the answer correct! Please, someone, put me out of this pain! I’m sure we have a regulator for this kind of thing. I’d love that job, they can’t be doing much! Surely if a premium line has 90%+ of calls answering option 1, it’s not a game of skill, it’s a lottery!
Honestly, I have more respect for the Party People style TV channels where a scantily clad young lady will titillate you on the phone for £££s a minute. At least they’re honest (I would say they’re not hiding anything, but that would be wrong!). Not that I’ve ever seen such channels, I’m errr, just going on what I’ve heard, and I don’t have a shrine to Lilly Roma!
Grrrr!
Must go, need to take my medication before I turn into Charlie Brooker.
Broken TV image by
titillate
